Revisits

Right after a painting or creation is finished, I usually am excited about it. But as time goes by, some of them loose their sparkle for me. They become too familiar. Maybe because they were not all that interesting in the first place or maybe because my perception of things and life changed. 

Others of my creations I liked partly and partly not. Funny thing I noticed: even so I wasn't really satisfied with the outcome of some creations, I couldn't bring myself to go over them again and make fundamental changes. Sometimes the mind seems to cling to the things I create. Just because I spent such an amount of energy and time with creating something, I become unable to admit, that the result is crappy or doesn't really appeal to me. 
But eventually comes a time, when I suddenly can let go. Then I take the risk of ruining the painting competely by changing it. At the same time I take the chance of improving it considerably or of just creating something different. 

This seems to be true for relationships and personal behaviors, too. To make changes means risking what has already been achieved up to now. It also means having to admit to some dead ends and mistakes. But, wow, what are the gains of daring to try something new: growth, experience, connection, ease and fun. 

So recently I decided to revisit a few of my paintings and make some profound changes. 




Fifteen years ago I painted this spiral on a sheet of Iron. 






Now I intended to paint something entirely different onto the sheet. So I started with scratching the paint off the surface. While doing so I realized, that I could scratch along the lines of the spiral and be curious of the outcome. This lead to quite an amount of scratching and repainting and resulted in this:

There can be no certainty whether I still like the painting in a year or two, but for now I am pleased with it, because it doesn't represent an exaggerated harmony - like in my mind it did before -but shows the cracks and disruptions which are shaping wholehearted living. The spiral consists of many layers of different paint. Some of them are invisible and yet still are maintaining their importance for the creative process. The violent scratches left the spiral wounded and broken in many areas. Still there is a strong sense of unity. The painting represents brokenness and wholeness, which in truth do not exclude each other but are necessary elements of growth.